| Contributor: Zaac |
I wanted to write about depression because I think it’s something many of us have dealt with at some time or another, and something I’ve been working through myself for awhile now. Transguys may experience depression at some time or another, and it may/may not be related to transitioning. Socially and/or physically transitioning can be difficult, joyous, awkward, tumultuous, as we come out to friends, make wondrous discoveries about ourselves and our bodies, share our journey, or sometimes hide it. Sometimes coming out as trans can be easier than coming out as someone who has / is dealing with depression, but it’s nothing to be ashamed of and you don’t have to go through this alone.
Symptoms of Depression
- persistent sad, anxious or “empty” feelings
- loss of interest in activities or hobbies that were once pleasurable
- insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
- fatigue and decreased energy
- difficulty concentration, remembering details, making decisions
- persistent aches, pains, headaches, cramps or digestive problems that do not ease with treatment
- irritability, restlessness
- decrease in appetite or overeating
- thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts
Ways to Cope with / Treat Depression
- Finding healthy outlets such as physical activity or creating art (See my post on free/low-cost tips for self-care)
- Get a good night’s sleep: as exhaustion can exacerbate feelings of depression
- Monitor your diet: What we take in can impact our mood. Sugar and refined carbs, for example, provide a quick boost but are often followed by that awful crash, whereas whole-grains and whole-wheat foods can help keep you feeling more level. Each body is unique, so pay attention to how what you take in has an impact on you (See the Helpguide below for more details)
- Talking with friends and family: Talking can be cathartic, and you may find that friends and family members have dealt with similar feelings. Don’t feel bad or shy about talking to friends / family members you feel safe with. That’s why we have those people in our lives.
- Counseling / Talk therapy / Hotlines: Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a therapist/counselor/hotline specialist than a friend or family member. We control when we see or talk to them, how much we give of ourselves, and can quickly terminate that relationship if we need to. For some this can be awkward, so do what feels right. I’ve included some resources for hotlines and a provider directory if you want to try this out.
- Give yourself a break from triggering material: I’m someone who likes to be in the know, so when I first joined Twitter, I began following all of these news outlets, activists, and organizations that shared information about transgender-related issues. After reading article after article about violence, discrimination, oppression, (usually littered with the wrong terminology and improper use of pronouns) I had to step away from it for awhile. I created lists specifically for these things and I look at them only when I’m feeling okay enough to view them and digest that material. I want to be engaged and active in my community, but I learned that being oversaturated with this information led to depressed feelings. Know your threshold and respect it.
- Delve into positive / affirming material: Sometimes it’s hard to separate the triggering from the affirming, so I’ll leave that determination up to you. For me, if I read material for/by trans folk, it’s usually more affirming than triggering, but it really depends on the topic. I enjoy posts on Original Plumbing (“What does it take to put a smile on your face?” for example) or Tweets from Kate Bornstein that validate my experiences and identity. But again, maybe your depression isn’t about being trans. Find those articles, movies, books, that make you smile, connect, feel better about yourself to balance all of the junk we’re barraged with all the time. A good Dreamworks or Pixar film is usually good for this
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- Blog/Tweet/Create: Tumblr, WordPress, Blogspot, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube — These social media outlets can be great ways to vent, connect, be uplifted, lift up others, and share what you’re going through. You can decide how public/private you want to make your blog, although there are some limitations to privacy. You can also go the old-fashion way and journal with paper & pen.
- Medication: Sometimes medication can be a great tool/resource. Talk to your doctor if this is something you want to explore. Remember that it can take 2 weeks before the medication kicks in, and to talk to your doctor about any negative side effects you’re experiencing. It can take time to get the type and dosage right before you start to feel better. If after taking it you want to stop again, make sure you talk with your doctor to come back off of it. It can be hard on the body/mind to quit cold turkey.
Who to Talk to About Feelings of Depression
- Your medical doctor: Emotions are a complicated, tricky thing, impacted by all sorts of things from the amount of sleep we get, to the things we’re exposed to, to hormones, and beyond. Talking with your medical doctor (whether on T or not) may help identify a medical/physical issue that is causing or exacerbating feelings of depression.
- Therapist / Counselor: See above in the previous section
- Suicide / crisis hotlines: See below in the “Resources” section
- Family & friends: See above in the previous section
- Your partner: Sometimes it can be hard to admit to a partner that we’re feeling depressed, not ourselves, not as interested in the things we used to do. I know I feel weak because of my depression sometimes, or like I’m not “holding up my end” in the relationship, but I know and try to remind myself that both of these things are false. Chances are your partner has already noticed at least some change in you and they’re concerned about what’s going on. It can be helpful for both of you to have this discussion, and do regular check ins about your mood, emotions, feelings. Hopefully you feel safe enough to discuss these feelings with your partner and if you don’t, it may be time to ask yourself why not.
- A trusted teacher: I don’t know how old the guys are who are reading this, but if you’re still in school, teachers can be a fantastic resource. Most of them went into this field to make a difference and are happy to listen and connect you to other resources. I wouldn’t have made it through middle and high school without those teachers who let me stop by to talk. If you’re out of grade school, professors and sometimes even supervisors can be great resources, even if they can just be aware of what’s going on and can help connect you to others for longer-term solutions.
- Transguys on the interwebs: I’ve spent hours hopping from video to video on youtube, and recently connected into a network of incredible transguys via Twitter because I’m too shy to post my own videos (which is how I became involved in this project, actually! @TransSocWkStud if you want to follow) and it’s been a positive experience for me. I’ve been amazed by how many other guys are going through similar things even though we’re all walking our own journeys.
The most important thing to remember is that you don’t have to feel ashamed about what you’re going through, or be isolated and alone in this journey. There are resources, there are people, there is a way out. If you’d like to, comment below with what helps you get through the day and feelings of depression. Do you have any tips or stories to share with others? We’re here. We’re listening
Resources:
- The Trevor Project: Suicide Hotline for LGBT & Questioning Youth: 866-488-7386 / Trevor Project Lifeline & TrevorChat
- GLBT National Help Center: 888-THE-GLNH (888-843-4564) / GLBT National Help Center Online Peer-Support Chat
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 877-273-TALK; For TTY Services: 1-800-799-4TTY
- National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) LGBT Resources
- Gay & Lesbian Medical Association Provider Directory
- Helpguide: Dealing with Depression
- Depression Screening
- Kate Bornstein’s Blog for Teens, Freaks and Other Outlaws
References
- Kitchener, B., Jorm, Anthony., & Kelly, C., Maryland Department of Health and Mental Hygiene, Missouri Department of Mental Health, and National Concil for Community Behavioral Healthcare. (2009). Mental Health First Aid USA.
- WebMD. (2012). Depression Health Center. http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-symptoms-and-types
